I almost had you.
For a moment, I thought you’ll be mine. I was happy with you and I know you felt the same way. We had a special connection, but that connection was lost.
I was almost there. We were almost there. But I got lost. I wanted to know if I am the only one. Weren’t you lost in the same ground where I was?
Then I thought that maybe we could get lost together so we can find the way out. But that couldn’t happen coz ‘almost’ didn’t happen. I am lost alone. I couldn’t find the way home.
I’ve been lost for five years, and yet… I am never looked for.
Ever wonder why people disappear? You probably have quite a number of used-to-be friends who disappeared for reasons you were never told. You wonder what you did wrong; it makes you question what had happened. But for some reasons of having no known reasons at all, it will just happen.
Unlike the One that Got Away and the One that’s Getting Back, the One that Disappears isn’t the one you thought is the one for you. But just like the first two, this one is also a person you want to grow old with.
There is a friend whom you will spend most of your time with. You will share a good laugh, a couple of tears, a number of pain, and anger. You would learn to love and hate the world together, but you will also have to learn how to live apart because at one point in time, that person will decide to disappear without “till we meet agains”, or without “goodbyes”. Just like that….as easy as popping a bubble, that person will.
You will try to keep the communication open; you will try to talk to them in any way possible, and rejection isn’t even an obstruction. You will try to write them even if you are not sure if it ever reached them. But at one point, you will also try to convince yourself that you do not anymore care. But then there are moments when simple things would remind you of what you used to be. How you used to be. Then you will realize that you still do care at all, even if that person doesn’t.
There is a friend whom you will love so much, but would one day decide not to talk to you; ignore your messages. At one point that person will be back, but the next day will be gone again. You know that the person will come back, but as much as you believe that person will, it is as much as believing that he or she will be gone again. That particular friend may be seasonal. You know they don’t care, you feel they don’t. But you actually don’t care if they don’t, you just still do.
Sometimes you question yourself if you are unconsciously being the one that disappears to someone else, because you are not also sure if they are unconsciously doing it to you. You want to know why, you want to be talked to, to at least know if there’s still something to look forward to.
You want to know if the person will still come back, or will come back for good. Because the more that the person comes back and be gone again, the more it pains on your part. It is like wounding the one that’s already wounded, and it sucks. You want the one that disappears to reappear once more, twice more, many times more. You do not care if the person will be gone again. It sucks. It does, but you still don’t care.
Read the One That Got Away written by Mark J. Macapagal, and the One That’s Getting Back from my Previous Blogs.