Every word you chose to say
Axes my heart in two
Every line that caused you pain
grieves me even if untrue.
Doesn’t matter how long it’s been,
or if dusk has shifted to dawn.
I sense you deep down my skin
even if all your angst has gone.
Ten or more years have passed,
yet your misery lingers on me.
When I thought your world has crushed,
I realized it’s treating you fairly.
My tears unite with your distress,
your passion unearthed your beauty.
Whatever caused you emptiness;
It captured my heart so quickly.
Your poetry is all I have;
enough to see your shadow.
Is it possible to fall in love
the moment I felt your sorrow?
Every word you chose to say
Who told you, I love you,
coz I’ll never really do?
You don’t even matter to me
your existence, I never see.
Who told you, I like you,
when I disgust everything you do?
Whenever I spot your shadow,
I urge to strike you with a longbow.
Who told you, I care for you?
I worry not if you bid adieu.
You can go on with your life,
and find yourself a wife.
So who told you, I love you?
I’ll slice his head in two
coz this bitterness I feel
brings me desire to kill.
But whoever told you that I love you
pat his back, coz it is true
that even if I hide my distraught,
it is always you behind my thoughts.
There is a story I am in, wonders I’ve never seen
Happiness on my fingertips; nothing is worth for keeps
Insurgence I wanted, romance I distorted
Desired to chase down grief; a body off the cliff
The world plays with me; this time I can see
Now my life has an alternate ending; it is with you that’s worth spending
There is a story you are in, wonders you’ve always seen
Sadness lingers in your soul; a being that’s never whole
You found your way out, from someone’s life that’s burnt out
You run and hide but wept, at least your own you kept
The world plays with you; the terrors you can subdue
Now your life has an alternate ending; it is with me that’s worth spending
There is a story we are in, wonders left unseen
Blankness in both our heads; love that’s tangled in threads
A body off the cliff, another soaked in grief
To run, to hide, to weep; nothing left to keep
The world plays with us; lives are back to an empty canvas
Now our love has an alternate ending; together, life’s worth spending
This story that we are in, tossed our love within
Sadness, happiness, and blankness; lives are full of emptiness
Then this fantasy gave us hope; a chance to at last elope
The story changed its chapter, will there be a happy ever after?
Now the world plays with our story; a chance that’s given barely
So if our love has an alternate ending, would we be together and marry?
Have you ever seen the stars so bright,
And wonder why her eyes match right?
Have you ever touched her hair so soft,
And wish you could lay her down at the loft?
Have you ever effortlessly smelled the breeze,
And remember how she used to freeze?
Have you ever heeded as she speak the word,
And regret why they were left unheard?
Have you ever felt the dusk on your skin,
And question why you can still feel?
Have you ever stopped and stared one day,
And long to turn back time someday?
Have you ever woke up and thought of her,
And hope some deaths on earth defer?
The moment you hurt me, that’s when I feel like writing.
I remember you, and all the words just flow like water. I have written our story in chapters, and I suddenly stopped at fourth for I do not know what’s next for us. They say there is no such thing as a happy ending, but my heart says we still could be something. I do not care about what the ending would be; I just want my now to be with you.
I have written this for quite a while without publishing it, but last night I was listening to a song…. And it reminds me of what I have written.
I can never forget you even if I wish…One day I’ll make a movie.
But for now, I’ll just write.
Today, I am writing for you.
I just hope I can make you notice.
Our Story in Chapters:
The wind blows on my skin
I am sitting here
My hair loses in the air
as the sun hides away from me
I can see you from afar
I close my eyes
until I can open them no more
Our skins touched
I am with you
There I was
finally beside you
as the sun goes down completely.
I woke up from my sleep as I choke under the sheets.
I stood up, opened the window and felt no wind on my skin.
I went out to the woods and stared at the dark bluish sky.
Nothing I can see but the form of a doubting troubled eye.
I sighed. I gasped. I tried to catch my breath.
But every air is gone, as if there is really none.
I’m strangled. I throttled. I trembled down my spine
I run and I tried to escape,
This awful life I couldn’t take.
There I was, so alone in the woods
With doubts in my mind, there I stood
Then I saw a flowing river
I wheeze as I reach the water
I felt its breeze that comforted me
I drowned myself but then I see
Under the water, there is life
In the water, that’s my life.
Once there was a child looking through the windows of a store. Inside was a doll she longed for. Every afternoon, she would walk home from school and pass by that store. She would stare at that doll for a moment, and it would make her feel happy.
One day, excited as she can be, she looked through that same window expecting to see the doll. But it was not there. She knew it was sold already and that made her lonely. What made her feel worse is when she saw another child carrying that doll she was looking for. She went home, inconsolable.
She would not want to eat, would not want to go to school. She got depressed. She was lonesome. She cried over a doll that never belonged to her. She cried over that doll that now belongs to someone else. It was never hers to begin with, but she felt like she lost it. What a wonder that doll is to make her inconsolable.
Then I wonder what a wonder it is. What a wonder you are.
By the corner, she sat down, looked from afar, and stared at nowhere. She was looking at something static, but instead she was seeing thousands of moving objects, coming near, coming clean, going close, and going gone. On her mind are millions of memories; memories that never really happened. This is how her brain works. She overthinks, but it aint enough. Nothing seems to stop her, nothing seems enough for her.
She was away then, walking around tenths of people. She hurried up to come back to the place where she sees her non-existent memories. At one point she finally arrived, ecstatic of what she will see now, what she will feel and what she will believe. And she did. She saw, she dreamt, and I wonder why she believed. I wonder what made her think it will ever happen. She believes in memories she has not experienced, she believes in her plans, in her dreams, and she continues to see what only she can see.
Now, I am thinking of what she’s thinking, I am trying to see what she is seeing, and I am trying to understand her convictions. I think about it all the time and I dream that one day I will realize. But until then, I am demented.
I don’t like your look;
I don’t even care about you.
I don’t really like to stare
but I just have to.
You are boring, but you are bright
You are quiet and it aint right
Staring at you is my weakness
But I have no choice, you bring me sickness.
Because of you, twice as much I blink
You bring me headache, and I can’t think.
Do you think I stare too much at you?
For me to be as sick as you made me to.
Oh dear monitor, can I just shut you off?
And let me just rest in my wonderful loft.
Eyes wide shut,
wandered in pain.
blinded by darkness,
the evil prevails.
god of violence,
the lady trembles;
in misery,- forsake.
Rapacious this god;
amity and lust,
neither love nor affection,
only demon’s possession
In Old English:
I died four days ago.
A valley of shadows entered my home
Shadows of unidentified beings.
Darkness was given light.
Lightness four nights in a row.
It is too bright, it blinded me.
And drowned me. Killed me.
I am dead for four days already.
But in just one snap of mystery, I am back.
In Old Filipino:
Apat na araw ng nakalilipas
Samut-saring anino ang sa kwarto’y pumasok
Aninong di mawari kung san nagmula
Ang katahimikan ng gabi ay nagimbal ng liwanag
Liwanag na nagtagal ng ika-apat na gabi
Ilaw na sa aking mata’y bumulag
Ako’y nilunod. Ako’y pinatay.
Apat na araw na akong nawala.
Ngunit sa isang iglap ng hiwaga lamang, ako’y nabuhayan.
I cannot sleep for four days
People enter my room all the time to my surprise
I am sleepy, I cannot identify who they are
They open the lights
For four nights in a row
My eyes hurt because of the lightness
And I couldn’t sleep anymore
I am a zombie for four days already
But with just a coffee, I am back to my normal self again.
One by one…
A sound after the other.
There’s a battle to be won,
What would turn out after?
One sound from the corner,
One sound by the door.
Whichever sound would reign
It’s still the sound of pain.
Now, the decibels are rising,
Seems someone is already winning
There you go, a very loud noise
Even the princess lost her poise.
These sounds are deafening,
But they just won’t stop.
I wonder what is happening,
Why all the terrible cough?
Written coz all people in the office are sick! Can we go home now….. please?
This is not what a man should feel;
Emotions kill the deluded;
And if he allows its flow,
The body of the jaded shall vanish.
Denial causes deceit,
Silence denotes hatred,
Holding back is painful,
But to kill the dead is to kill the living.
Regret is forever;
Hidden beyond the truth behind the lies,
A mockingbird blooded in vain;
Wounds could not be healed;
Emptying their souls,
A man shall stand and assail them all.
Wipe the tear,
Shed the pain,
Stop this feeling,
Stop the rain,
Take an action, make a move.
Forever won’t last,
Yesterday had passed.